That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i now understand why vodka
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
