i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
