dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
