So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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