which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
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A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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