you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
