he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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