My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I would fuck him just for his dog
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
