And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
