I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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