My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize