uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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