I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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