If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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