kristin has been a bad kristin
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You ruined the universe
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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