he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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