I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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