OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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