You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
