The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
