My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
