just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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