he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
