Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
