are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
