Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
