i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
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I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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