At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
