So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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