I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
