She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
