Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
