And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
