I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
