the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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