I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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