Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
