What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
