The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
