absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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