I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
