Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
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