Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
