i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
