Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
