half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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