I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I intend to get homeless drunk
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
be right there i have to get my cape
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
