would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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