Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
