you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
