We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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