what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
