Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
