So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
