bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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