If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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