that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
