My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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