Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
