don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
