Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
