What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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