Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
