i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
