I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
