So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize