Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
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i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
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Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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